Friday, January 06, 2006

Raving Endorsements

carbo4u (Observer): without a
doubt you are the luckiest no
talent fkhead on this site

Monday, January 02, 2006

The First Morons of 2006

I decided to write a little during the Iowa-Florida football game about last night’s poker game. I played in a little house game at a friend’s house, who will from now on go by Whitey. He was sitting across from me with a man named Wills in between us on my right. I had two morons on my left, Moron #1 talks way too much, and Moron #2 doesn’t even know how to play. Neither of them are really important to the poker part of the story, but they give us five to play a $5 buy-in, winner-take-all game. We started with 600 in chips because it was Whitey’s house and it didn’t have to make sense, and the blinds were at 5-10 to begin. We raised blinds every time someone got knocked out.

I played a couple of key hands early on in the first round.

~ I picked up 52o in the big blind, and Wills, Whitey and I saw the flop. The flop came down K55 as I felt dumb luck must be on my side here. Whitey bets 100, I gave him my best “flush draw” act and called. Turn was a ten and there were three diamonds out there now, Whitey checked, I bet out, and Whitey immediately went all in, and I called immediately without even thinking about the flush. He flipped over pocket aces, and the river brought a blank as Whitey promptly rebought.

~ Pocket deuces in the small blind, and I am the only one to call a raise from BA1 (Bad Apple #1). BA1 has been goading us all night about not playing enough hands, playing too tight, like he saw Matusow win the TOC the other night, and said to himself, “Hey, maybe I’ll try that.” So the flop comes down 864 unsuited, I check, he bets 75, and I call thinking I can set him up for a bluff on the end. Turn’s a 4, and I bet 90, trying to get him to think I got a 4. He calls and we see a 10 come on the river. I looked at him and checked, and he bets $2 into me and just stares at me, never took his eyes off me. Everything I’ve been taught tells me he’s got nothing but a couple of overs and I call, fully expecting to have read it wrong. However he flips over KQ and I take it down with deuces.

Between there and when we got down to heads up not much happened, I just played really tight, hanging around until I feel like I can strike. I remember getting a lot of high pocket pairs, and never getting paid off, or raising preflop and not getting any callers.

We got down to three and the two bad apples decided they were going to leave and make a McDonald’s run, I give them a ten and tell them to get me a couple of sandwiches and a fry, and they take off. At this point I know nothing about them, other than they can’t be big time arses because Whitey invited them to play. Everything went smoothly and when we were down to three, this hand came up that sent us to heads up.

~ Wills, Whitey and I are the only ones in and the blinds are up to 40-80. Wills is on the button and goes all in for 115. I look down at J7o and call it for no apparent reason, Whitey calls and we see a flop 9A2, check, check, turn 10, checks, river 8. Now at this point I’m also somewhat shortstacked, so I push all in for 700, Whitey folds, and I flip over the winning hand as Wills mucks.

So we got to heads up, and I was down in the chip count 3300-900 and we made the blinds an even 50-100. (Yes the numbers match up. Whitey rebought twice, so there are seven buyins there of 600 each). I had a pretty good feeling that if I played well and didn’t make many mistakes, I could beat him with good cards. We went back and forth for a while and I got up to 1395 when the tables turned on him; I just love those high pocket pairs.

I had been pushing it all in with good suited aces, pocket pairs, especially on the button, because as I’ve been taught, you always raise on the button heads-up. So I got pocket kings, and pushed all in once again on the button. This time he didn’t think for a second and flipped over JT, grinning his ass off all the way. Well as soon as flipped mine, that grin disappeared real quick. He hit a jack on the flop, but nothing else and I became chip leader with about 2800.

Well all the while we’ve been playing, the two morons have been gone for something like an hour, and it simply doesn’t take that long. We’re all getting suspicious about them, especially since they were earlier smoking pot outside the house, and we didn’t exactly want to get in trouble. They were suspicious guys but it turned out okay, my food was still warm and I was happy. They said good nite and we went on with our poker.

After I was the chip leader we didn’t last much longer and my aggression had helped me get a 5-1 chip lead. The final hand was really an odd hand all around. I got 92 in big blind and we saw a flop come down of T93. I push him all in and Whitey calls with J9. He gets in a hurry and flips over the next two cards without looking and starts counting out chips as I get ready to pay him off. Then I took a glimpse at the board and the turn and the river were both twos giving me the boat and the win. But he didn’t see that and he told me three or four times, I have 700 chips. Finally I simply point at the board and he agonizes when he realizes he was beat by 92.
Results: 1st, +$30 (Well, almost).

This is where the morons come in to play. I reach in the chip case to get my profit and there’s only 15 bucks in there, rather than the 35 that should be there. We find out not only did they take the money out of the box, but they also stole Whitey’s wallet and a portable DVD player. So instead:

Results: 1st, +$10
For the year: +10

I think it’s safe to say that knowing Whitey’s criminal record, they’re gonna get an ass beating for it. And they probably deserve it for stealing from a $5 poker game.

That’s it for now. Check in next time, as I close in on turning 21 on the 11th and try to figure out why I’m in such a funk in Omaha.