This is why I don't play poker anymore.
I take a beat, and I get mad and go crazy. I get pissed at the other players, my own luck, just pissed off at the world. I lose control of my emotions, my moves, everything when I get frustrated like this.
I tried playing some today, after pushing myself away from the game for 5 or 6 weeks. I just wanted to relax and enjoy myself and have a good time. And I did for a while. I played some 7-Game which was really fun, I like that Full Tilt added that to the rotation and can't wait to watch some of the really big games go. I played a couple of HU SNGs and went 1-1. I played the Daily Dollar and was cruising until I took a nasty beat. It's those beats that make me so mad sometimes, because I can't control them. Guy hits a 2-outer on the river and I'm furious, and I never used to be that way.
Every beat I took today, I kept saying to myself, "This is why I don't play poker anymore." I was so burnt out, after playing 40-some BBT events and 8 miniFTOPS events and 20-some MSOP events, I just couldn't take it anymore. I knew the burnout was coming, I could feel it coming at the end of MSOP. Every little beat felt like I was talking a hammer to the head, just pounding away. 4 months of tournaments, and grinding out points and shit, just wore me out. I spread myself too thin.
It has affected me in every part of my life. June was my last month in the house at Mason City, and I never left the house. I was either playing poker, or drinking, or sleeping. I was just a robot. I rarely went out in the evenings, although I'm not really much of a bar guy anyway. It was just "wake up, start playing poker, eat occasionally (usually ordered in), go to bed". That was my life for the June.
And every little beat made it harder and harder to keep it going. Every time I would get increasingly more pissed, to the point that my mouse took a pretty good beating (still works great amazingly). I just wanted to punch a wall. I felt like I was playing as good as I could, and it wasn't good enough. I always think about poker and golf together just because those are the two sports that I'm interested in and decent at. If I'm out playing golf, and I get a bad bounce or something, I can't let that stuff go either. So frustrating. The difference is that on the golf course, I haven't yet felt like I've played a whole round as well as I can. But that's something for another post maybe.
Everything I can control, I make sure I do. If I'm given a project, I'm all over it, and I'll go at it hard cause it's my thing. This is my project and I'm gonna get it done how I think it should be done. But with poker I felt like I couldn't control anything. Why bother if I feel like I'm leaving it all up to luck? I can console myself with the fact that I got all the money in good, but it doesn't matter if I don't get any of it back.
Nowadays, I'm just down all the time. I just don't care about anything any more, except my golf. I feel like I'm stuck in the mud, like I can't go anywhere or do anything. I haven't cared less about everything ever. I just don't even want to get out of bed in the morning; I want to stay up so late at nights so the morning doesn't come. I'm not even sure I know who I am anymore, what my identity is. I'm supposed to go back to school in a couple weeks to get my 4-year degree in Sports Administration, but I don't really care.
Something's gotta change, but I don't know what or how. I want to get back to playing poker, but I just can't if its gonna be the same way it has been. I love watching it or reading about it, but I don't think I can play for a while. Hopefully, I'll be back, I haven't even bothered withdrawing from FT (not exactly a huge balance, but its nice to have a little). We'll just see how it goes. I just don't know anymore.
Wednesday, August 05, 2009
Tuesday, May 05, 2009
miniFTOPS
Alright people, its time for the miniFTOPS. I will be playing in the following events if anyone is interested in buying pieces of my action.
#1 - May 6 - $22 NLH (6-max)
#5 - May 8 - $22 Stud8
#11 - May 11 - $22 PLO8
#14 - May 12 - $55 HEROS
#16 - May 13 - $22 PLHA
#24 - May 17 - $13 NLH (KOs)
Those are the events I'm for sure playing, the ones I'm already bought into. There are two other events I may play in, but I won't know for sure until probably the day of: #2 - May 7 - $26 PLO (KOs) and #21 - May 15 - $22 Mixed Holdem (6-max). I'm leaning toward playing them but those are both gonna be busy days for me anyway, so I might not be able to.
5% of the for sure six is $7.80. If you want either of the other two, those are $1.30 and $1.10 respectively, and if I'll make my decision on them the day of. If you pay for them and I don't play you'll just get your money back. So there's the numbers. FT is preferable, but Stars is fine too.
I've been playing pretty well lately, especially in NLH, having won a couple tournaments and taken 5th in a $280 tourney for $1500 last Saturday. (I'm working on that writeup currently, more time now that I've graduated.) I want to push myself and was initially looking at playing 12 or 13 events but this is what I trimmed my schedule down to. I know I put in some good showings if I just focus, play tight and aggressive, and not make bonehead mistakes.
I'm willing to sell 40% of myself to whoever is willing to buy or swap (15% already gone). Kitchen's open.
#1 - May 6 - $22 NLH (6-max)
#5 - May 8 - $22 Stud8
#11 - May 11 - $22 PLO8
#14 - May 12 - $55 HEROS
#16 - May 13 - $22 PLHA
#24 - May 17 - $13 NLH (KOs)
Those are the events I'm for sure playing, the ones I'm already bought into. There are two other events I may play in, but I won't know for sure until probably the day of: #2 - May 7 - $26 PLO (KOs) and #21 - May 15 - $22 Mixed Holdem (6-max). I'm leaning toward playing them but those are both gonna be busy days for me anyway, so I might not be able to.
5% of the for sure six is $7.80. If you want either of the other two, those are $1.30 and $1.10 respectively, and if I'll make my decision on them the day of. If you pay for them and I don't play you'll just get your money back. So there's the numbers. FT is preferable, but Stars is fine too.
I've been playing pretty well lately, especially in NLH, having won a couple tournaments and taken 5th in a $280 tourney for $1500 last Saturday. (I'm working on that writeup currently, more time now that I've graduated.) I want to push myself and was initially looking at playing 12 or 13 events but this is what I trimmed my schedule down to. I know I put in some good showings if I just focus, play tight and aggressive, and not make bonehead mistakes.
I'm willing to sell 40% of myself to whoever is willing to buy or swap (15% already gone). Kitchen's open.
Tuesday, April 07, 2009
Live-Blog SCOOP 12-L: $22 Stud8
Welcome everyone. I figured this is a good way to get a post out there. I've already played two of the SCOOP events, the PLO8 and the HU NLH. I made it to the first break in the PLO8 but not much after, and got busted out in the first round of the headsup, so it hasn't been real good so far. So this is my third chance at a good performance, with the LO8 coming up later in the week.
I'm going to be focusing on watching people's cards before I make decisions. I have a bad habit of not paying any attention and drawing to outs that don't exist. I think I can put in a good performance here today.
3:39 - Just getting started, 5k stacks and starting at 40/80/8 and 15 minute levels, there's gonna be plenty of play early. I've lost a little bit now, missing a couple nice combo draws.
4:01 - Level is now 60/120/12 and I make a nice 7 lock low against two high boards and pump it full of money. Take half of a nice 3 way pot, but I'm still a little shy of starting stack.
4:36 - Ok first break. I'm down to 4431, average stack is 5094, not a whole of lot of action. It's been pretty boring. One of my friends is in the top 100 so hopefully he keeps going. This looks like it might be an all night thing to go deep. Also, right now is an easy time to pimp out my new project. A couple of friends and I have started a baseball blog, something we hope to update daily. It's over at The Daily Balk. We;re off to a good start so far, so check it out.
4:59 - I river a straight to get up from 3100 to 4500 and then lose it to someone else when I miss a huge draw and three pair's no good. 3500, 120/240/24, average 5341.
5:15 - First big hand of the day. I decided to go prospecting for spades when I start with Q48s, two people come along. By sixth I had a nice 8 low, a gut shot wheel draw, and a Queen high spade draw. The 3 of spades was what I needed to make good on both of those, and that is what I got. I picked the bingo card right out of the deck, just below average now.
5:30 - Won a couple thousand more in chips when I made Aces up and 65 low. I'm at 6209, just above average.
5:40 - Second break, 5549, average is 6711. 1311st out of 2290 remaining. I sat out a little while and hung out with a friend downstairs.
6 PM - A seven high straight is good enough to scoop an 8k pot and I'm up to just over 9000, in the top third of the field.
6:05 - Up to 11k now, when a pair of fives and a 76 low is good enough to scoop. But I fall to back to 7300 when my starting hand of A253d fails to produce ANYTHING.
6:34 - A wheel on sixth gives me a 9k scoop at an important time, only got 10k in my stack, 2k under the average. 1316 left, 520 get paid. That might be a couple hours away yet.
6:48 - Third break, and I'm still hanging around. Average is 14792 and I'm a little below that with 10769. 624th of 1035 remaining. Stats so far:
During current Stud H/L session you were dealt 193 hands and:
- saw fourth street 42 times (21%)
- saw fifth street 34 times (17%)
- saw sixth street 30 times (15%)
- reached showdown 23 times (11%)
Pots won at showdown - 17 of 23 (73%)
Pots won without showdown - 2
I think I'm doing pretty good, although it seems like I'm folding even more than that pre-4th street. Just gotta stay focused, and keep playing smart.
7:12 - Struggling to stay alive. Under 5k stack, limits are 1k/2k/200, so I need to find some cards fast.
7:16 - Out in 792nd. Find hidden jacks, guy calls me with three hearts King high. He makes the Ace-hi straight and I never improve.
I'm going to be focusing on watching people's cards before I make decisions. I have a bad habit of not paying any attention and drawing to outs that don't exist. I think I can put in a good performance here today.
3:39 - Just getting started, 5k stacks and starting at 40/80/8 and 15 minute levels, there's gonna be plenty of play early. I've lost a little bit now, missing a couple nice combo draws.
4:01 - Level is now 60/120/12 and I make a nice 7 lock low against two high boards and pump it full of money. Take half of a nice 3 way pot, but I'm still a little shy of starting stack.
4:36 - Ok first break. I'm down to 4431, average stack is 5094, not a whole of lot of action. It's been pretty boring. One of my friends is in the top 100 so hopefully he keeps going. This looks like it might be an all night thing to go deep. Also, right now is an easy time to pimp out my new project. A couple of friends and I have started a baseball blog, something we hope to update daily. It's over at The Daily Balk. We;re off to a good start so far, so check it out.
4:59 - I river a straight to get up from 3100 to 4500 and then lose it to someone else when I miss a huge draw and three pair's no good. 3500, 120/240/24, average 5341.
5:15 - First big hand of the day. I decided to go prospecting for spades when I start with Q48s, two people come along. By sixth I had a nice 8 low, a gut shot wheel draw, and a Queen high spade draw. The 3 of spades was what I needed to make good on both of those, and that is what I got. I picked the bingo card right out of the deck, just below average now.
5:30 - Won a couple thousand more in chips when I made Aces up and 65 low. I'm at 6209, just above average.
5:40 - Second break, 5549, average is 6711. 1311st out of 2290 remaining. I sat out a little while and hung out with a friend downstairs.
6 PM - A seven high straight is good enough to scoop an 8k pot and I'm up to just over 9000, in the top third of the field.
6:05 - Up to 11k now, when a pair of fives and a 76 low is good enough to scoop. But I fall to back to 7300 when my starting hand of A253d fails to produce ANYTHING.
6:34 - A wheel on sixth gives me a 9k scoop at an important time, only got 10k in my stack, 2k under the average. 1316 left, 520 get paid. That might be a couple hours away yet.
6:48 - Third break, and I'm still hanging around. Average is 14792 and I'm a little below that with 10769. 624th of 1035 remaining. Stats so far:
During current Stud H/L session you were dealt 193 hands and:
- saw fourth street 42 times (21%)
- saw fifth street 34 times (17%)
- saw sixth street 30 times (15%)
- reached showdown 23 times (11%)
Pots won at showdown - 17 of 23 (73%)
Pots won without showdown - 2
I think I'm doing pretty good, although it seems like I'm folding even more than that pre-4th street. Just gotta stay focused, and keep playing smart.
7:12 - Struggling to stay alive. Under 5k stack, limits are 1k/2k/200, so I need to find some cards fast.
7:16 - Out in 792nd. Find hidden jacks, guy calls me with three hearts King high. He makes the Ace-hi straight and I never improve.
Wednesday, March 11, 2009
Tuesday, March 03, 2009
I owe some people some things...
... only posts thankfully. I promise I will do a couple of writeup for some people. I owe OhCaptain a nice writeup of his super fun homegames and if I don't take of that soon, I may not get invited back. And I need to do a nice little writeup of Corn-Vegas activities this past weekend as well. I promise I will get to it shortly, but I have tests every day the rest of the week and some other drama to deal with, and spring break the week after. So it looks like it might be spring break before it gets done. Stay tuned.
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
Corn Vegas!
So while you're playing The Mookie tune into the radio or video broadcast to be a part of history.
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
Temper and Patience
I have a bit of a temper at the tables, especially live when I'm at the casino. Someone snaps me off on the river, it takes a lot of willpower not to go off on them because of their bad play. I'll bitch and moan about my luck to the floor, the dealers, anyone who will listen. I'll go all Phil Hellmuth, talking about being the best player at the table, when most of the time I'm not. I'm more laid back online, mainly because I'm playing amongst friends. Recently though, I've been working on my temper and how it affects my game.
When I get sucked out on, I get mad. When I'm mad, I play more aggressively, trying to force the issue and get my chips back. When that happens, I either make more mistakes playing too many hands or I notice a lot more that my 86o that I folded would have made a straight and won the hand. And finally when I play too many hands, I get sucked out on more. It's a vicious circle.
So I need to take a walk, take a break. Even at the online tables, when I get sucked out on, I disappear for 5 minutes or so, just to give myself time to cool down. I reset, I refocus, and I get back to playing my best game.
Temper and patience go hand in hand. I cool down, I can sit down and fold away, playing that tight aggressive game I've been working on. I pick my spots a lot more carefully, and my raises get a lot more respect. When I'm mad, I can't bring myself to do that. I want action, go go go, and I won't stop until I've got all or nothing. My ego pops up and I'm the best player in the whole world (in my head).
When I got 3rd in the Mookie a couple weeks ago, I played 9% to the flop. My preflop raises earned me some respect folds, my continuation bets worked more often and I even got away with check-raising the flop when I missed my hand. It worked because I stayed patient and calm. I was too nervous to try any funny business, it's been a while since I've been in that situation.
So that's the basic gameplan, at least for now. I'm going to put some fun stuff in the gameplan as it evolves. Let's call this a rebirth of my game. It might work, it might not. But everyone will get to see the journey.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Oh yeah one more thing. This one's for Pirate Lawyer. He didn't believe me last night when in the Skillz Game, I bet at him on the river on a board of 22T85. He thought and thought and then asked me if I had quads. He folded and I told him I flopped a boat. He immediately called BS. What is it, am I not an honest guy? For some reason he just didn't trust me. So here's the proof.
I was in the BB. I so love Omaha. Maybe you'll believe me next time sir. Have a good day. :)
When I get sucked out on, I get mad. When I'm mad, I play more aggressively, trying to force the issue and get my chips back. When that happens, I either make more mistakes playing too many hands or I notice a lot more that my 86o that I folded would have made a straight and won the hand. And finally when I play too many hands, I get sucked out on more. It's a vicious circle.
So I need to take a walk, take a break. Even at the online tables, when I get sucked out on, I disappear for 5 minutes or so, just to give myself time to cool down. I reset, I refocus, and I get back to playing my best game.
Temper and patience go hand in hand. I cool down, I can sit down and fold away, playing that tight aggressive game I've been working on. I pick my spots a lot more carefully, and my raises get a lot more respect. When I'm mad, I can't bring myself to do that. I want action, go go go, and I won't stop until I've got all or nothing. My ego pops up and I'm the best player in the whole world (in my head).
When I got 3rd in the Mookie a couple weeks ago, I played 9% to the flop. My preflop raises earned me some respect folds, my continuation bets worked more often and I even got away with check-raising the flop when I missed my hand. It worked because I stayed patient and calm. I was too nervous to try any funny business, it's been a while since I've been in that situation.
So that's the basic gameplan, at least for now. I'm going to put some fun stuff in the gameplan as it evolves. Let's call this a rebirth of my game. It might work, it might not. But everyone will get to see the journey.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Oh yeah one more thing. This one's for Pirate Lawyer. He didn't believe me last night when in the Skillz Game, I bet at him on the river on a board of 22T85. He thought and thought and then asked me if I had quads. He folded and I told him I flopped a boat. He immediately called BS. What is it, am I not an honest guy? For some reason he just didn't trust me. So here's the proof.
I was in the BB. I so love Omaha. Maybe you'll believe me next time sir. Have a good day. :)
Monday, January 12, 2009
Fine, I'm back.
Well after some chiding from BamBamCan tonight, I've decided to return to writing here after a while away. In September, after a disaster tournament in Omaha, I felt like I needed to step back from my poker and sort of start from scratch. It was so bad I scrapped a lot of my view of the poker world around me and basically started over. I took some time away from the game, focused more on school and work, and had to find a way to feel better about myself. I was pretty down after that so it was much needed time away.
I didn't play a hand of poker for about 6 weeks, didn't even think about it in any seriousness. I wanted back in but after that, time away was real nice. Eventually I ended up playing a little at the casino, really basic tight poker. I've relearned the basics of tight agressive poker, and I'm better off for it. I've still got some of my trapping moves, but I'm smarter in picking my spots. I needed to learn how to change gears more effectively and use image to my advantage.
I came back to online poker last Monday and started fast. I took 3rd in the Tuckfard I and 1st in the Tuckfard II, as well as 5th but just out of the money in the Rambler PLO Dime Rebuy. On top of that I made my way through a field of 50 tough competitors to take third behind LJ and lucko for a nice payday. I played 11% of hands preflop, established the tight image and used it to my advantage. I was near the top most of the way, coming into the final table in 3rd. In the end, my ATo couldn't suck out on LJ's AQ and I was out in 3rd. All the support coming my way was really nice, it was a great feeling.
For the week I made a total of six final tables in blogger events, three cashes, three top threes and one win, my best week of poker in a very long time. On top of all that, I just finished off my title defense of the Tuckfard II winning it two weeks in a row. Switching gears was the key to this one, actually more like keeping the pedal to the floor.
59% of hands isn't exactly textbook Omaha8, but it worked anyway. Well I need to focus on the NY Rambler tonight so I'm gonna wrap this up. It's nice to be back and hopefully I can keep up this mojo I got going. See ya later, hopefully more often now.
I didn't play a hand of poker for about 6 weeks, didn't even think about it in any seriousness. I wanted back in but after that, time away was real nice. Eventually I ended up playing a little at the casino, really basic tight poker. I've relearned the basics of tight agressive poker, and I'm better off for it. I've still got some of my trapping moves, but I'm smarter in picking my spots. I needed to learn how to change gears more effectively and use image to my advantage.
I came back to online poker last Monday and started fast. I took 3rd in the Tuckfard I and 1st in the Tuckfard II, as well as 5th but just out of the money in the Rambler PLO Dime Rebuy. On top of that I made my way through a field of 50 tough competitors to take third behind LJ and lucko for a nice payday. I played 11% of hands preflop, established the tight image and used it to my advantage. I was near the top most of the way, coming into the final table in 3rd. In the end, my ATo couldn't suck out on LJ's AQ and I was out in 3rd. All the support coming my way was really nice, it was a great feeling.
For the week I made a total of six final tables in blogger events, three cashes, three top threes and one win, my best week of poker in a very long time. On top of all that, I just finished off my title defense of the Tuckfard II winning it two weeks in a row. Switching gears was the key to this one, actually more like keeping the pedal to the floor.
59% of hands isn't exactly textbook Omaha8, but it worked anyway. Well I need to focus on the NY Rambler tonight so I'm gonna wrap this up. It's nice to be back and hopefully I can keep up this mojo I got going. See ya later, hopefully more often now.
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